There’s a waiting room we all sit in. Waiting to be chosen, waiting to feel whole, waiting for love to finally make sense. What if we’ve been waiting in the wrong place entirely?
Human beings are complex creatures. By default, it is wired in us, the urge to unravel the complexities in ourselves, or perhaps the world. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as we understand what the actual point of it all is. The point of having these connections, interactions, meetings… why?
I never understood, even though I am a person who can readily connect or interact with anyone, an “empath,” as they say. But this social connectivity has always been a mystery to me. Another back-and-forth aspect, exchanges in search of something that can be taken in return for something given. So, does that mean all our connections or interactions are transactional?
Maybe at some point in life, you even stop debating that as well.
Until you discover something rarer. A feeling of belongingness, a feeling of devotion, a feeling that makes sense to perhaps just you, and maybe, if you do believe in God, then Him as well.
Love is devotion. To be in love is to just be.
Why can’t love just be love?
I have asked this question many times. At least, every time I was associating myself in a, so to say, romantic endeavour—experiencing that social exchange I was talking about, wearing the facade of love. But that is okay, I guess; nobody actually teaches us what love is. Or, nobody really knows themselves unless they actually fall in love. You know, even though we claim we know, we don’t. Please understand this: love is a complex mechanism, as I have experienced it.
And I tell you, no matter how hard you try to stay away from it, it will come right in front of you, totally unnoticed. The most beautiful feeling. You can argue and try to substantiate your ego-self for understanding what exactly love is. But I think, in my sense, it is the most beautiful feeling—rare, the true kind. That is boundless, effortless, fearless, and also unconditional in every sense.
Now, I am not saying this because I am some sort of a guru. But I have spent years accepting the hard pill of love, and it is not all that scary. We spend our lifetimes justifying what makes more sense to us, based on the information given to us, perceived or understood from our own point of reference. But I guess this feeling of love cannot really be put into a box that everyone is trying to fit it into. At least, I know I couldn’t when I was actually in love. Not the delusion of it.
“We Are Slaves to These Feelings”
Now, I have heard this a lot. I’ve even almost agreed to it sometimes. Because as humans, when we are trying to understand our own insides, the noise outside becomes low and the inside noise starts to take over. Emotions, hypotheses, thoughts, overthinking—everything comes in a bundle. And that may or may not give the perception that the whole aspect of it is negative.
While in reality, what I want you to understand is, we consist of both good and bad. The paradox of a human being: complex and calm, real and raw.
So, to say we are slaves to feelings is just to tell you that you have not yet understood why that particular thing is really happening. Now, I am not asking you like a spiritual leader to “over-declutter” or to first sit with it. But maybe take note of the familiarity of what you are feeling and why. Because if Buddha is right in most cases, what about those who have the awareness of what is going on, and what is not, and still feel waves of different, unwarranted emotions?
We do. That’s human. You can’t hide from these waves; you must learn to swim with them. Mistakes happen, and chances are, sometimes you’ll be drowning, or nearly so. The feeling itself is so profound it may not let you float above. But that is the point of it all.
Love like you’re drowning in the deep. Somewhere you think it is effortless and free-flowing, starting where only you and this feeling exist.
You see what I am trying to do. I am trying to build a pattern, a process here. I am not a neuroscientist or a philosopher. But that is what I did, when I was drowning in love, I eventually started living in it. But that is for the next part of this blog.
If love lets you drown, then be drowned. If love lets you breathe, let it breathe through you. If love lets you float effortlessly, then come what may, just float wild in this open ocean of love.
I am not here to give you answers. I am here because, what I found instead was something far more interesting than answers. I found the ocean itself.
And I am still learning to swim.
Next up when drowning becomes living.
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